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Menu Of Bikur Cholim Services...Just To Get You Thinking
Compiled by Lori Marx-Rubiner, MAJCS, MSW
Hillel used to say:
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And if I am only for myself, what am I?
And if not now, when?"
Pirke Avot 1:14
The Talmud teaches that each visitor removes 1/60th of another's pain. The act of bikur cholim (be-core kho-leem), narrowly translated as "visiting the sick," is a commandment incumbent on each Jew. And happily it is so broadly defined as to help each of us find a unique and valuable contribution to our community. The list below is compiled from the activities of many, many synagogues around the country, and emphasizes "out of the box" ideas that might occur to you, but may jump-start your planning. I hope it will be useful as a tool to initiate or expand the efforts of your community, and that you'll share your new ideas as well!
But first, a quick note of caution. There are many exciting ideas on the list...before you dive in, please consider the resources and needs of your community. Sadly, there are many stories of noble but failed efforts due to great ideas gone awry! It is important for the success of any bikur cholim program to:
a) base the "menu" of support on your community's needs as determined by a comprehensive assessment,
b) create a menu that is do-able — one that volunteers find interesting and can adequately manage to fulfill, and one that fits with volunteer interests, and
c) incorporate an evaluation tool that will help you determine if and where adjustments are necessary.
Visitation Programs
Visitation requires training — always. The do's and don'ts of what to say and do are important, but not hard to learn. Your community surely has resources in the form of social workers or psychotherapists, who can help put together a "listening skills" or visitation training session, with interactive role-plays. Here are some thoughts about need-based structuring of visits.
- Drop-in — A scheduled, brief visit to let another know they are thought about and that they remain a meaningful part of the synagogue community. Schedule this visit for an appropriate time when the member is well-rested, feeling and looking as they would most like, and has time to chat.
- The "non visit" Visit, or "Sol, I'm coming by with some leftover Chinese." Some individuals don't want a visit, or don't want to be "needy." Respect the dignity of the individual, and check-in on them at the same time.
- Telephone Reassurance — Don't save this for the holidays...if you have a room with a few phones, get some friends together and call on Fridays...Shabbat shalom! This is a great Sisterhood, youth group or Board activity. Of course, holiday times are an especially difficult time to be home or ill, so call then too!
- Vacation Visit — When primary caregivers are away, it is especially reassuring for them to know that you'll check in on their loved ones and their substitute caretakers. If the primary caretaker can leave an emergency contact with you, they'll rest easier while away.
- Post-discharge Visit — Returning from the hospital can be daunting. Check in to see how someone is fairing without the constant attention of nurses. Is the home set up to accommodate any new physical limitations? Is their refrigerator filled with food they need and enjoy? Can they reach it food, plates, cups? Do they need a shower stool? Also, consider visiting when someone transitions to an assisted-living facility. This provides comfort for the congregant who is moving, and let's the facility's staff knows that this is a person who is connected and cared for, and will help assure they receive the staff attention they deserve.
Food
Food is both a necessity and a comfort. Eating is basely human, social and religious all at the same time. Delivering a meal is an opportunity for an informal visit, and to assess how a congregant if fairing. It is also a great place to start for those who are not comfortable making a Bikur Cholim visit.
- Meal delivery — Prepare and freeze casseroles so they're ready when you need them. Add a bag of fresh salad and/or a dessert for the night that someone returns home from the hospital. For Shabbat add a challah, candles and a small bottle of grape juice. Remember to include reheating instructions in large print. And use these meals to celebrate simchas, too — they're a perfect Shabbat gift for a family arriving home with a new baby!
- Groceries — For some getting out is the challenge, and they would deeply appreciate assistance with this chore. You might escort someone to the market, or do their grocery shopping for them. This is a particularly great niche for service by older youth group members.
- Gift Certificates — For those with a limited budget and sudden, short-term limitations, it can be very helpful to arrange for gift cards or accounts at local restaurants THAT DELIVER!
Shiva Support
There are many needs of families mourning a loss. Food is helpful, as are shiva calls, and a commitment by the community to ensure a minyan either in shul or at home for mourners to recite kaddish. Eventually the "rush" quiets, and visits or calls at this point are especially appreciated. While close family and friends may rally at the time of a death, the synagogue has a unique opportunity to offer support as the weeks and months move on. Check in at various milestones that often go unnoticed...the birthday or anniversary of the deceased, or when someone is done saying kaddish. These are important markers for those in mourning, and even a note acknowledging the depth of the loss in these moments will be deeply appreciated.
Transportation
Helping people get up and out will support their sense of connectedness to the community, of being a part of something outside themselves and of being cared for. Note, however, that there are legal liability issues involved in providing transportation. Check your synagogue's insurance policy and determine what, if any, waiver is necessary. Consider rides to shul, doctors visits, errands, and carpools.
On-Site Programs
- Drop-in Support Center — Use this as an opportunity to simultaneously provide caregiver support and respite, with a designated and supervised program for the individual, and facilitated support group for the caregiver.
- Support Groups — These should be facilitated sessions. Therapists in the congregation may be a great resource. Bereavement, the "Sandwich Generation" and other transitional issues are all common themes...tie this to what's happening in your congregation!
Spirituality & Wellness
Healing in Judaism embraces both physical and spiritual wholeness. Here are some creative ideas:
- Healing Space — Consider a small garden, or even a corner of the synagogue library...add a fountain, or focus for meditation.
- Groups or classes that focus on meditation, guided imagery, yoga, tai chi and other healing arts.
- Creating rituals — It is life-affirming to acknowledge our transitions...rituals do this in a Jewish context, grounding us in our core religious values. There is an ever-evolving body of rituals that embraces the many pivotal events and challenges of life. There are both written and online resources that provide new, creative rituals as well as guidelines for developing your own.
- Healing Services/ Naming ceremonies — Judaism has a long history of adding or even changing names on behalf of those who experience challenging times. The addition of a new, chosen name to one's Hebrew name can renew the spirit, honor new wisdom, and acknowledge transitions. It can be done during the Torah service, with the new name then incorporated into the mi sh'berach that follows.
- Arts programming — Do you have an art therapist in your congregation? Consider writing, painting, ceramics, journaling, gardening, music, scrapbooking and needlecraft as avenues for art to enhance healing through the very process of creation.
The growing breath and depth of bikur cholim programming is a blessing to each of us, as our loved ones and we age and, at some time or another, take ill or face significant transitions. Building a community of caring is integral to our Jewish tradition. There is simultaneously the mitzvah of helping others on their healing journey, and the comfort of knowing that others will help us in our own time of need. It is my personal hope that these ideas will spark countless new and innovative approaches to healing and wholeness in the synagogue environment. Please, be sure to share your experiences, so that we can all benefit from your teachings.
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